literature

The Plot of the Song (Ledian Tf)

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Literature Text

Though my heart is full of things I want to say to you,

I never seem to find the words, so please forgive me

Sayaka stared at the piece of paper in front of her, pen gripped in hand, shaking. There were plenty of words on the page. Many familiar.

Though there’s nothing good about today

Those were the lyrics from a song, weren’t they? Suppressing a scream, Sayaka crumbled up the paper into a mashed-up ball and threw it behind her. It would have gone into the bin by her bed, if it hadn’t already been overflowing with paper.

Sweeping her long, messy hair out of the way (currently dyed a very light green, of all things); Sayaka stared out the window, looking at the white flowers that covered the field opposite her apartment. She didn’t stare for long, instead turning back to her table, her head hitting the desk, blocked by a pale arm. Why couldn’t she just write this letter? How many times had she tried?

Life had been perfect once. She had family. She had friends. She had him. Then the train had happened.

I’ll board the first train and be on my way

More lyrics to that song that wouldn’t come to mind right now. Sayaka had boarded the first train, to meet him, but the accident had happened on the way. After that, she became an alien to her family and friends. There was only a slight change in her inwardly. She wasn’t as outgoing, happy, she missed running races and gathering flowers, she missed lots of things… Ok, she had changed a lot. The main thing that her family and friends had seen though wasn’t something human. In the end, only he remained.

He… Sayaka’s thoughts stiffened a little. He had done so much, just for her. Comforted her in her moments of despair. Respected her need for independence yet supported whenever she needed it. He had given her fun; she was beginning to enjoy life again.

But in the end, even he had gone away.

That’s why it was important to write this letter. To get things off her chest, to leave the past behind, to move on to what was going to be a grim future, stuck in this apartment with only a bored nurse to look after her. The problem was she had so much to say, but not enough space. The words just wouldn’t form.

Sayaka lifted her head off the table, sighed again, and then pushed her wheelchair out from underneath it, turning it in a neat circle to face her bed.

Though I know I have to learn to walk before I run,

My legs just don’t appear to work, so please forgive me

What was that song? More lyrics were coming to mind.

And though I could have set it free, instead I crushed it

“Yeah, I crushed it alright… though it was no fault of my own…”

In the books that I’ve read,

Nothing felt quite like this

“Nothing ever does…”

Somebody fumbled with life

And pretended to die

“Me…”

Oh well, oh well, oh well, oh well

Ok, that was mockery now. Wait, the song… That was it! Now that it was in her head, she just had to listen to it.

Pushing to her bed, Sayaka shuffled out of her wheelchair to sit on the bed, a job made harder when everything below your waist was paralysed. Reaching out, she grabbed her phone (there wasn’t much point in its existence, nobody called her anyway) and fumbled through the playlist on there, finally finding it. First train and Kafka, an English cover to a Japanese song. There were songs that just speak to people, and this was hers.

Popping in some headphones, Sayaka closed her blue eyes and lay on the bed, her white vest and long pink skirt being crumbled a little underneath. The song began playing, the lyrics very familiar.

I’ve run out of space to write again

As per usual… This was Sayaka’s last thought as her mind finally switched off for the night and fell into a deep sleep. What was unusual though was that when the song finished, it simply started up again, in a loop. Sayaka was unaware of this, and was unaware of what gradually happened through the night.

It started with a single black dot on her face, right in the middle of her forehead. This might have been mistaken for an unusually sized mole, until a thin red sheen spread from it, rapidly covering the rest of her head bar her chin. This, instead, became a dazzling yellow. The skin hardened as Sayaka’s mouth opened unconsciously, the teeth inside spilling uselessly out of it. Her nose and ears were hidden under the exoskeleton helmet she now had, as her eyes widened to fill the remained space where it didn’t cover. Two stalk-like antennae sprang up as her hair finally fell onto her pillow, with nothing to hold onto. The song, of course, continued playing.

Rather than immediately travel down into her body, it seemed that the song had gone onto the second verse and thus instead it was her arms and legs. There was, however, a shifting on both sides of her body. Sayaka moved a little, her body awkwardly twisting this way and that, as two new arms sprang out. Both these and her original limbs were being coated in an inky black.

That my legs had multiplied while I was sleeping

Her muscles tensed as the limbs shortened, making their way towards her body, before stopping. For her now four arms, her hands crunched into fists, the fingers and thumbs merging to make  something similar to white boxing gloves. The new arms didn’t have hands, and these simply grew out. For the feet, the toes also merged here to make pointed feet, these decorated in the same red as her face.

A bloated feeling came across her body, now that the changes were forming there. Her chest heaving, belly ballooning slightly, her form soon became that of a roundish oval. Her clothes fell flat on her body, and with Sayaka’s constant twisting they eventually fell away to make a crumbled heap near her. The exoskeleton continued, yellow marking her front with a line down the centre, red across her back. More and more she was looking like a certain creature.

It seemed I had become a bug

This continued with the last changes. While her neck rapidly shortened and also became black, new growths were forming on her back. Sayaka’s twists had got feebler, but somehow, even with her paralysis still there, she managed to lie on her side. This allowed a couple of strong forms of red to grow, with yellow insides that arched from the top of her back. Just below these an unfurling took place as, very slowly and carefully, two clear wings stretched themselves out, fragile but perfect for flight. The cases snapped shut around them, protecting them from Sayaka’s sleep.

It was a sleep that was disturbed.

Since I had no family my form could frighten, I

Looked down upon the town as it was dreaming

Sayaka was indeed looking at the town, as if from high up. She had never seen it from this height before, nor at night. The gaze of it was too much and she turned back, seeing her family and firends point in horror at her. Why? They were quickly swept away from sight as he appeared. Sayaka was drawn to him, as always, and flew towards his outstretched arms.

You were always just as gentle with me

She cried into his neck. “Why? Why did you have to leave me?! Why can’t I just tell you everything I feel?! I would do anything to have you back, to be happy again…”

If I give up humanity,

Could I see you again, and would you smile at me?

He patted her head. “Come see me.”

“But I can’t! You know I can’t! I’m alone! I can’t move!”

Alone, alone, alone, alone

“See me.”

“I’ll never hear you sing again.”

You might never sing it again

“See me.”

“There’s no way that I can!”

‘Cause there’s no way that I could turn into an insect,

And there’s no way you’ll ever read the letter that I sent

“See me.”

She sniffed once again, both in her dream and in reality.

“I’d do anything to do so…”

That there’s a price you have to pay to make your dreams come true

Sayaka’s eyes finally opened, with that line playing. Given the light coming through her window, she had slept all night. How odd. Her nights were usually filled with stops and starts. She took her headphones off, still playing the same song. She better get up.

That’s when she noticed. She wasn’t lifting herself up with two arms, but four.

She was too shocked to say anything. Her wings shuddered into life and, in a blur, she went to the mirror. Staring back at her was a bug, a bug type Pokémon. A Ledian. She had actually become a bug.

Sayaka patted herself and tried various movements. Her legs still hung uselessly and she couldn’t feel anything below part of her body, but… She could fly. Somehow humanity had been given up, and now… Now she could…

Quickly she rushed over to the desk and wrote the letter. This time it didn’t end up in the trash, and although she had run out of space, Sayaka felt she had written enough to convey her meaning.

And even now, I grasp your letter in my hand

As if it’s the last thing I have

A few thoughts came, like her family or the nurse, but Sayaka quickly dismissed them. She finally had some sense of freedom, some joy, and she knew what she had to do. What she wanted to do. Opening up the window, she flew out with her letter.

The words you wrote, the words I’ve always held so close

Are distant and fading like smoke

It was true, she couldn’t remember what she had written, and knew he’d never really read them, but it had finally come from her heart and she wanted him to know that anyway. She soon found herself hovering above a graveyard, the town a distant memory, and began her search.

We go along, singing a song, singing a song

It didn’t take long; she found what she was looking for. His grave, the one who had taken care of her.

You’ve gone to live so far away

Sayaka smiled weakly and fluttered there with her letter, for a long time. Finally, she placed the letter in front of the grave.

“I hope you are in a better place now. I miss you. I’ve written this for you, what my heart wanted to tell you. I’ll be going now. Hopefully now as a bug I’ll find happiness again.”

With her words said and spent, and with no more time or space to say anything more, Sayaka moved on. The final lyrics formed in her mind, and she couldn’t help but smile.

Though my heart is full of things I want to say to you,

I never seem to find the words, so please forgive me

When I woke up, I’d become a bug,

That’s the plot of the song that I’ve sung.

My entry for this month's :iconshapeshiftersmonthly:'s contest. This time, music is the cause of the transformation. I originally couldn't remember a song that I thought was perfect for this, but then I remembered it! Ironically, I was thinking that a music based Tf could be quite interesting, then magicalTF comes with the idea too! My song choice is in the fun facts below.

Speaking of fun facts:
-The song chosen is First train and Kafka, a vocaloid song. This particular cover is by rachie (check out her awesome music): www.youtube.com/watch?v=HtDbpl….
-We were encouraged to listen to our chosen music while writing so I did, particularly in finding lyrics I wanted to use. It didn't last for the duration of my writing though (I'm not that quick at typing!).
-As you might have guessed, any lyrics used are in italics. I thought weaving the lyrics into the story was a neat idea.
-The song itself, I think, has a more depressing meaning than what I've conveyed here. There's also an animated video to go with the song and, while I did use it as inspiration, I didn't use all of it (such as when the girl has a message in a bottle). I wanted this to still be my own story in the end.
-The song itself is actually based on a book, Franz Kafka's Metamorphosis. I haven't read it, but the synopsis of it is a man turns into a giant bug and the story covers how he gets used to it and his family's reactions to it. It's meant to parallel living with certain disabilities, so I guess that is reflected in my story too.
-I don't know anyone personally who suffers from paralysis, so if I have conveyed anything inaccurately, let me know and I'll make amendments to it!
-I deliberately decided to keep Sayaka's paralysis after transforming. I think too often we give a transforming person a medical condition that is cured after changing (I'm guilty of this myself!). I still wanted there to be a happy ending though.
-This led me to looking for a bug/flying type. I was then reminded of Ledian, one of my favourite Pokémon, and it fitted really well.
-I don't know why I chose the name Sayaka, I think I just wanted a female Japanese name as the song originated in Japan. I think I've been reminded of Madoka Magica and Danganronpa a little too much! XD
-I tried to keep the paralysis and 'him' being dead parts in the dark until the last possible minute as much as possible. I wanted to throw in some twists somewhere!
-The 'him' in the story might be a subject of a Tf story in the future. It's a possibility I may want to explore.

I hope, as always, you enjoyed this story. :)
© 2018 - 2024 confusedkangaroo
Comments4
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break-beat's avatar
Very different from the transformation stories you normally write, yet it is still as quality as the rest. The ending with Sayaka's acceptance is thought-provoking and comforting, masterfully contrasting from the beginning and middle's dark tones.